Well, here we are approaching August and its about time we started putting our chips on the table and telling you what we think will be happening in the coming football season. What follows is a breakdown of where the teams WILL finish at the end of the year - so just print this off and hang it up above your TV, because its guaranteed to be right.

AFC EAST

New England Patriots - 13-3 Record, Division Champion
There really isn’t any significant drop off on the Patriots minus Asante Samuel. But who cares, because he was massively over-rated at corner as it was, and New England has never had trouble plugging in corners into that system anyway. The only thing that can really derail this team is age/injuries. They are slightly younger and more dynamic on defense, which was a major problem for them last year - so expect a better defense overall. Still, I believe they will actually lose a few regular season games this year - but watch out in the playoffs because I think they’re out for blood.

New York Jets - 8-8 Record
I’m not as bi-polar about Eric Mangini as everyone else is apparently. One great season did not make him the “Man-genius” as he was labeled by our fickle drama queen ESPN friends. Similarly, one horrid season does not make him a poor coach. This is the NFL people - coaches have a say in how good their team is, sure - but their value and impact is dramatically oversold. I believe Mangini is a good coach, and I also happen to like Kellen Clemens more than most people as well. I think they’ll have a slight rebound year and make it to .500

Buffalo Bills - 7-9 Record
These poor bastards lost their biggest fan this offseason (Tim Russert), and I’m afraid I just don’t buy into the whole Bills thing this year. They’re something of a under the radar trendy pick to do well - but I just don’t think they’ll get beyond seven wins this season. Trend Edwards may very well be pretty good eventually, however this year I think he’ll still go through a lot of growing pains, and the rest of the team around him isn’t good enough to pick up the slack. Expect some fun games but an underwhelming season.

Miami Dolphins - 6-10 Record
Bill Parcells and company will get this franchise into the playoffs - of that I have no doubt. But we are talking about a team here that was flirting with imperfection the same season the Patriots were going for the perfect season. Its going to take more than one offseason and a great draft to get them on the winning road. I expect John Beck to be the starter and actually be pretty good eventually - enough to win a few games this year. They will improve a lot this year, but a lot is still not enough to really get it going.

AFC NORTH

Pittsburgh Steelers - 11-5 Record, Division Champion
They’re still the class of the division. Roethlisberger is a great game manager, they continue to rely on the “old faithful” system of football - that is running the ball and a strong defense. I don’t think they are necessarily an “elite” team, but they are close enough to take command of this division and run with it.

Cleveland Browns - 10-6 Record, Wild Card
I’d just like to gloat for a moment. Last year when everyone was predicting a three win season for the Browns and counting down the moments until Romeo was fired, I called them being a good team. When they lost their first game and told Charlie Frye to screw - everyone was laughing and taking pride in their prediction of Cleveland suckitude. I kept steadfast - they would be good. I rule. Well, this year is no different - I actually expect their defense will be a little better, and their offense should remain explosive. They could challenge the Steelers for the division, but I still think they’ll only be good enough to get to 10 wins and the wild card.

Cincinnati Bengals - 7-9 Record
What a mess. The shame is that the team really COULD go 12-4 if they wanted to. They have the most incredible offensive talent in the division (and its not even close), and really should be a team that matches the Indianapolis Colts in every way by now. We thought they were getting to that point a couple years ago - in fact I thought they could have been better than the Colts (I have a man-crush on Carson Palmer, always have), but it never materialized. They’re just too unstable to mount a serious challenge to the Steelers, which makes me a sad panda.

Baltimore Ravens - 5-11 Record
The only thing that can save this team is Brett Favre. Rookie head coach, rookie quarterback, aging defense - its just not a good recipe for success. As long as this team stays the same as it is now, its not going to win a whole hell of a lot of games.

AFC SOUTH

Jacksonville Jaguars - 12-4 Record, Division Champion
If it wasn’t for the Patriots, this team would have gone to the Super Bowl last year - I have no doubt in my mind. David Gerrard is legit, and now he has a full year under his belt. Yes, Matt Jones is a crack addict, but lets move on from that. Their defense is full of hard hitting assassins, their offense is much more dynamic now than it was two years ago, and they are poised to finally take down the 800 pound gorilla in the room (Colts), and grab command of the AFC South.

Indianapolis Colts - 11-5 Record, Wild Card
They’re still very very good - no question about it. But they are in fact declining as other teams in their division are climbing (all three teams, actually). Peyton Manning just had sac surgery, Joseph Addai is just about the most over-rated back in the game, and Marvin Harrison is getting old and starting to break down. I’m not down on the team at all - just saying they have some question marks and their competition is getting a lot better. For the first time in like a gajillion years they’ll lose the division.

Houston Texans - 9-7 Record
I was really tempted to be ultra bold and say the Texans were going to make the playoffs or something crazy like that - but I’m not totally off the reservation yet. They have improved in every facet of the game in the last few years (especially on defense), and they could certainly surprise us all and get 11-12 wins if things bounce right for them, but I’m predicting a more reasonable and realistic 9 win season. Look for them to grab a playoff spot NEXT year.

Tennessee Titans - 8-8 Record
Vince Young sucks. Yeah, I said it - he’s an over-rated piece of garbage. Prototypical meathead who makes some crazy cool looking plays that end up on SportsCenter (thus he appears to everyone to be “spectacular”), but can’t manage an effective offense to save his life. Don’t give me the “he has no receivers” mantra - bad decision making is bad decision making, and even pedestrian wide receivers get open more than enough to move the ball down the field. And bad receivers aren’t responsible for 17 interceptions - that’s on him. This “spectacular” quarterback and his team ended up managing only 18.8 points a game (which was actually misleading since Kerry Collins came in a game and dominated). Young had ELEVEN games where he passed for under 200 yards, TWO of which he actually somehow managed to pass for under 100 yards. Jesus Christ, I think I managed to pass for 150 from my couch in week 4. The point is, they can’t grow and move forward as a team, because as interesting a specimen as Young is, he just can’t get them to that next level unless the team around him is truly great - and alas, they are not.

AFC WEST

San Diego Chargers - 11-5 Record, Division Champion
A hate this entire division. But out of this division, LaDanian “classy” Tomlinson and his team are the only ones you can sanely pick to win the division. I wish it wasn’t like that though, because this is about the most arrogant, pretentious team of prima donnas in the league. I’d like nothing more than to see them fall on their faces, but unfortunately they are also pretty good. Not good enough to really dominate the league, but certainly good enough to pray on a crappy division.

Denver Broncos - 7-9 Record
I just don’t believe in Denver anymore. Something about them just screams out “soft” and “phony”. If I was Asian, not only would I be much shorter and good at math, I would also call the Denver Broncos a “paper tiger”. You always want to believe in them, but they just do it with smoke and mirrors, and a few of the mirrors are broken now. I don’t buy it at all, and if they get to .500 I will be sincerely surprised. And for the record, I love Jay Cutler, and believe he will (someday) light the league on fire. You never know, this is also one of those teams that might surprise the living hell out of you and go 13-3. I don’t think so, but it is certainly possible.

Oakland Raiders - 6-10 Record
::sigh:: I really want to say they’ve improved a lot, but I don’t believe they have. They’ll have essentially a rookie quarterback under center - and yet another extremely over-rated and over-valued one that got hyped up way too much and taken higher than he should have. When will teams stop picking guys with measurable and start looking to quarterbacks with decision making skills? Meh. Darren McFadden is certainly fun to watch, but he’s also going to have both of his chicken legs broken by a middle linebacker somewhere around week 5. He won’t hold up at the NFL level. Their only saving grace might be their defense, but it won’t be enough to get them into the mix. The hilarious thing is listening to ESPN analysts say that Russell will come in and beat down the league and the Raiders will “surprise everyone”. No, they won’t.

Kansas City Chiefs - 4-12 Record
If your final record was about how well you drafted in any particular year, the Chiefs would win the Super Bowl. But unfortunately for Chiefs fans, that isn’t how such things are decided. The good news is that it will certainly help decide things in a couple years. As for now, though, you have a rough season to look forward to.

NFC EAST

Dallas Cowboys - 12-4 Record, Division Champion
Every year this is an impossible division to figure out - but hell, I’ll give it a try. The Cowboys and their new 1980s video game hero (Pacman - for those of you thicker than cave men) should still reign at the top of this division come the end of the year, though. Their offense is still top three in the entire league, and the defense is constantly improving and should be strong this coming year. A twelve win season is what Nostradamus has planned for them.

Washington Redskins - 9-7 Record, Wild Card
People are picking the Skins to get 6 wins and really disappoint. After all, they have not only a rookie head coach, but one that has never been a head coach before. They have a question mark at quarterback (Campbell or Collins), and some doubt hanging over their heads defensively. Screw it - the prognosticators are wrong, they are going to have a good year. I think Campbell is going to progress more this year and be able to take the team forward, I think the defense will play very will and I think Zorn will prove to be a decent coach. They’ll get to nine wins, and maybe the playoffs.

Philadelphia Eagles - 9-7 Record
The former kings of the NFC East have just as many questions surrounding them. I happen to think they are in for a similar year as the Redskins - good, but not great. I think the Skins will have a tiebreak and sneak ahead of the Eagles at the last possible moment. Donovan McNabb will miss the playoffs once again.

New York Giants - 7-9 Record
The Giants were not as good as they ended up last year. Honestly I thought they were barely a playoff team, if they were even that good. They just ended up playing their best football at the perfect time and parlaying that into a Super Bowl win over a historically good team. They’re going to have a major hangover this year and it won’t be pretty. Strahan’s absence isn’t going to be the problem, they’ll have plenty of other ones to point to.

NFC NORTH

Green Bay Packers - 11-5 Record, Division Champion
Favre or no Favre, they are going to be pretty good this year. Aaron Rodgers showed that he can play very well when asked to, now the trick will be to see that over the course of the whole year. I believe he’ll be able to manage the team very well - he’s been sitting on the sidelines for years now, and I am of the mind that he’s figured it mostly out by now. The defense is legit, the offense is strong, and they are very young. In a really crappy division, they will be kings.

Minnesota Vikings - 9-7 Record, Wild Card
Its really hard not to love the team they’ve built in Minnesota - but I’ll try. Tarvaris Jackson at quarterback just isn’t going to cut it. I never understood why they staked their future on him without so much as a thought of somebody behind him to pick up the slack if he can’t cut it - because clearly he can’t. 150 yards a game, 0.75 touchdowns a game? Not going to do it, sorry. I don’t care how great the line is, or how dynamic Adrian Peterson is, without strong quarterback play they aren’t going to be able to take the division.

Chicago Bears - 6-10 Record
I don’t even know what to say about this team. They’re too schizophrenic to diagnose, and Rex Grossman is just horrible. Their defense has a rapidly closing window to win in, and this certainly won’t be a year for them to compete. One thing I will say is that even with Benson cut and Jones traded the year before, their problems won’t be running the ball - Kevin Jones will be just fine there.

Detroit Lions - 6-10 Record
Meh. I’m so bored by this team that I’m not even going to detail my thoughts on them.

NFC SOUTH

Carolina Panthers - 10-6 Record, Division Champion
I just have a feeling about this team, that they will actually live up to their potential this year. Will they get any quality play at quarterback? Maybe - who knows. I just happen to think this division is ripe for the taking and they are the only legitimately well rounded team that is good enough to grab control of it.

New Orleans Saints - 9-7 Record
Love Drew Brees. Absolutely love him. He’s number 3/4/5 or so on my “top QBs in the league” list, and that birthmark on his face is just so dreamy. Wait, did I just type that? Meh - anyway, onto the analysis. They’ll be god enough to fool you into thinking they’re good this year, but they’ll also be soft enough to fold like a cheap mattress. The Saints just have too many holes to not be exploited and beaten down by a good team that knows how to attack. I won’t buy their defense until they prove me wrong.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers - 8-8 Record
They seriously have like seven quarterbacks on their depth chart right now. I wish I was kidding. Still, they do seem re-invigorated after last year, especially on defense. This team has a history of screwing with us, so I’m not exactly betting the farm on them doing well, but they most certainly could end up at or near the top of the division. I have too many doubts, however, to give them much more than 8 wins.

Atlanta Falcons - 3-13 Record
The rebuilding begins. Hate to see a quarterback as cool as Matt Ryan get beat down, but that’s exactly what is about to happen.

NFC WEST

Arizona Cardinals - 9-7 Record, Division Champion
There’s always some idiot that picks the Cardinals to win the division and make it into the playoffs every year - and apparently this year I am said idiot. It should be noted, however, that this pick is not made due to the strength of the Cardinals, its made due to the weakness of the rest of the division. I think the Cardinals are good enough to pull off 8 or 9 wins, and if they do that I think they’ll take the division. The 49ers aren’t ready, the Seahawks are going to take a step or two back, and the Rams are going to take a couple forward (but not enough to compete). That leaves them really the last one standing. It seriously pains me to predict them to win, because I always make fun of the fools that pick the trendy stuff every year (Lions, Cardinals, Texans, Raiders, etc) - but this year I just can’t help it. The NFC West sucks, and they suck the least out of all the teams.

San Francisco 49ers - 8-8 Record
Above the Seahawks? Why the hell not. I expect their defense will take some strides up, and I know their offense will leap ahead miles under Mike Martz. The trouble for San Francisco last year was a complete bafoon in charge of the offense, so the team was confused, had no overall philosophy, and couldn’t get it done. With Martz at the helm, they will throw a lot, and use Gore (hopefully) effectively on the ground - and perhaps might have something resembling a competent offense. That is the major thing that has been holding them back all this time, so now that it will be addressed, they might just make eight wins.

Seattle Seahawks - 8-8 Record
Of the good teams in the NFL every year, I consistantly do not believe the Seahawks belong there. They have never been a very intimidating or dangerous team. They’re just “good”. Well, this year I think they finally take that step back and get knocked off the top of the division. They may very will end up second and not third as I have listed them here, but I gave the tiebreak to the 49ers just for a bit of fun. The point is they are due to be deflated a bit, and I think they miss the playoffs.

St. Louis Rams - 6-10 Record
Does anyone even watch this team anymore? Yeah, Jackson is a stud, but besides that? If anyone was more over-rated than Marc Bulger I don’t know who it is. This team is simply a mess, and while they will be better I just don’t think they have much fight in them.

PLAYOFFS

AFC Wild Card Playoffs

• Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Indianapolis Colts
• San Diego Chargers vs. Cleveland Browns

NFC Wild Card Playoffs

• Carolina Panthers vs. Washington Redskins
• Arizona Cardinals vs. Minnesota Vikings

AFC Divisional Playoffs

• New England Patriots vs. Pittsburgh Steelers
• Jacksonville Jaguars vs. San Diego Chargers

NFC Divisional Playoffs

• Dallas Cowboys vs. Washington Redskins
• Green Bay Packers vs. Minnesota Vikings

AFC Championship Game

• New England Patriots vs. Jacksonville Jaguars

NFC Championship Game

• Dallas Cowboys vs. Minnesota Vikings

Super Bowl

• New England Patriots 37 vs. Dallas Cowboys 27